How to help your child adjust to a new school

Whilst some children may be excited for the year ahead, returning to school after the summer break can be nerve-wracking for many. They might be worrying about upcoming tests or exams, different classes or new routines, so this time can be a source of anxiety for many individuals. If your child is starting a new school, this can be a scary transition, whether it’s stepping up from nursery to school, from primary to secondary school, or changing schools for another reason.

Caroline Wright, Director: Early Childhood Regulation, Research & Development at Bright Horizons offers tips on how you can help your child adjust to these changes, and continue their learning journey with confidence and a sense of wellbeing.

1. Provide an explanation

For younger children especially, moving schools can be confusing and unsettling. You may have to move your child for unforeseen circumstances, such as a work opportunity or a change in family dynamics, and these can be complicated and difficult conversations to have. Children deserve honesty, so try and explain in the most simplistic way, using age-appropriate language as to why this move is necessary. Try to make your explanation positive but be prepared to listen to their anxieties and not to ‘dust over’ them as if they’re not important. Acknowledge their fears and assure them that you’re there to help them.

2. Visit the school

Sometimes the biggest worry about starting a new school is getting lost, especially if your child is making the jump from nursery to school or from primary to secondary school. In this transition, you and your child should create an opportunity to visit the school before the move if possible.

It’s important for you and your child to look around the new school and familiarise yourselves with their surroundings before the transition. Reassure the child that you are also learning about the environment and talk about what you will do if you get lost in the early days of the transition. Who will you ask? What will you feel about asking? Talking with them as you walk through the building and pointing out what they will be learning in each room, with guidance from staff, can help your child to be more confident to potentially ask questions for themselves as you look around. Ask if you can take photographs of the school and you can share these together at home later to remind your child of what the environments look like and what happens in which rooms.

3. Meet teachers

Similarly, the adjustment may be a little easier if your child has familiar faces they can turn to in those first few weeks. See if you can arrange a few introductions to not only their teacher/s but also other staff who they’ll work closely with before starting at the school. Ask if there are photographs of teachers on the school website, so that you and your child can become familiar with what the teacher looks like before you actually start the transition. A familiar face is always welcome!

4. Encourage new friendships

Your child’s new school might have a buddy system, introducing them to a peer to help them settle in. Additionally, as your child gets through the first weeks in their new school, consider asking them about any friends they’re making.. You could suggest arranging something outside of school with some of their classmates, such as a trip to the cinema, or you could speak to parents about arranging a playdate for younger children.

Perhaps your child might struggle more socially or need some encouragement to make new friends. One way to help them get involved is by suggesting they join after-school clubs that sound interesting to them to help to meet like-minded friends.

5. Validate feelings

Don’t be surprised if your child is finding this difficult in the beginning to make new friends and to feel confident in this new situation. Squeezing yourself into an existing friendship group can be difficult. Think about how you’re feeling trying to make friends in your new workplace and with your neighbours. Talk to your child honestly about how this can feel and ask if you can help. Transitions can be tough, even for adults. And regardless of how your child is feeling about this time, their emotions are valid. Try and communicate with them that whilst you might not be in their exact situation, you can understand why they’re feeling the way they are. From time to time, we all experience emotions that can be overwhelming but with your support, they can get through them.

6. Spot the signs

You should be on the look out for signs that your child is worried or anxious about the transition before starting the new school, as well as the first few weeks or months afterwards. You might notice changes in behaviour or changes in mood. You know your child better than anyone else, and maybe they find it more difficult to talk about their feelings. They might not have the vocabulary to be able to explain how they’re feeling; they might be experiencing physical signs, such as sensations in their tummy or feeling as if they want to cry, but they might not be aware that these are signs of anxiety. Help them to describe the physical feelings and then you can provide the words to explain what those feelings might be: worried, anxious, afraid etc. Remember, children display their fears through their behaviour but they might not yet be able to talk about those fears without your help.

If you notice your child or teen becoming more withdrawn, not showing interest in usual hobbies, or generally have lower energy than usual, these can often be telltale signs that they could be struggling.

7. Try to keep routines predictable

Control the controllables as much as you can. A loss of control can be a trigger for anxiety for many, especially for children who are often used to being in a routine. One way to approach the adjustment period when moving to a new school can be to look at the things that will be staying the same. Will you still be leaving at the same time in the morning? Does the school day finish at the same time as before? Will the family eat dinner together when everyone is home?

8. Maintain connections

Your child may be nervous about missing their friends as they adjust to a new school. As a parent, you can support them in maintaining connections with existing friendships and assuring them that a new school does not mean the end of these. If your child is younger, then consider keeping in touch with parents and arranging a schedule for when your children can meet. If you have moved further away, you might need to arrange transport for your teen to catch up with friends in advance. Technology can also be to your child’s advantage, so encourage them to keep in touch via video calls and text messages if they’re old enough.