A wellbeing expert has shared her advice on the best and worst things to say to someone who is battling mental ill-health.

Finding the right words can often be the hardest part of starting the process of offering a friend or relative support.

But, ahead of World Mental Health Day, author and counsellor Lynn Crilly, has now offered some tips on how to best approach the topic.

Ms Crilly, who is in the process of making a new film, A Day With An Eating Disorder, said: “Despite all the great progress we’ve made in recent years in breaking down stigma, far too many people are still suffering in silence with mental ill health.

“One reason for this is because it can often be hard to make the first step and start a conversation with a person struggling with their wellbeing.

“It can be really hard to know what to say to someone who is suffering from a mental illness. You do not want to ignore the illness, but sometimes you just do not know if you are saying the right or wrong thing.”

What not to say

• Try not to apportion blame or anger by saying things like: “Why are you doing this to us?” or “Look at the effect this is having on the rest of the family”.
• Try not to minimise the problem by saying “What do you have to worry about?” or “This is all in your head”.
• Try not to ask someone to “Snap Out of It” or “Pull yourself together”. Anxiety disorders can be a complex, deep-rooted issue and cannot be switched off just like that.
• As hard as it is sometimes to not say ‘How can you be so selfish? ‘or “I cannot see why you cannot just ignore it”, we have to remember that anxiety disorders are a serious mental illness and like any physical illness it is not the sufferer’s choice.
• Try not to judge them, whatever they confess to you. Tell them “I respect your viewpoint” even if you do not agree with what they are saying.
• Try not to say “I do not know how to help” as they are looking to you as someone to take their pain away.

What to say

• You might ask questions such as: “Can you tell me what is happening?” or do you feel you would rather talk to someone else?”
• Give them space and time to express themselves, asking: “Would you like my advice or would you rather I just listened?”
• Encourage your loved one by saying something like: “There is nothing you can say that will stop me loving you”
• Praise them for every small step forward by saying: “This must be hard for you, but you are going to get through it “or “I am so proud of you.”
• Help by taking away their fear by telling them “You are not alone, and I would like to help you in any way I can.”

Lynn added: “A lot of the time, simply just listening can be helpful. It is important to talk to the sufferer in the same way you have always done, remembering they are still the same person that they were before the illness.

It can be useful having certain code words between you. These can be words that the person with the mental illness  can use to demonstrate when they want to talk or when they are struggling, or they may use their words to talk about their anxiety and how they are feeling without actually naming the illness. Perhaps this is where the ‘Black Dog’ or ‘dark cloud’ associated with depression came from, as it is hard to say the words ‘I’m depressed’ or to pronounce ‘I need help’. “